What is trust?

I've been going through Beth Moore's bible study on the life of Paul. Today's study mentioned how Paul went to Ephesus and made a bee-line for the synagogue, so eager and passionate for his fellow Jews to believe in Jesus. And after a very difficult time in Athens and Corinth, these brothers and sisters were actually interested and receptive! They asked him to stay longer. But, apparently God had other plans for Paul, and Paul knew he wasn't to stay. So he declined. Amazing. After so much turmoil during his travels of people rejecting him or attacking him, here were people who asked him to stay. If I were Paul, I think I would've argued with God. "But God, I can do so much good here! They actually want to hear more! What will happen if I leave?" But as Beth Moore wrote in Week 5, Day 4, "There is a bumper sticker that reads, 'There is a God and you're not Him.' We are wise to trust Him when He seems to be leading us contrary to those things we want to do or those things which seem so rational and fitting." And perhaps because Paul left, God prepared Apollos. I wonder what might have happened if Paul had decided to do his own thing and NOT leave Ephesus like God instructed. Or perhaps it's better to say, what might NOT have happened if Paul had decided to do his own thing ... ?

So after reading that, I pondered what trust really is. Because Paul certainly had it. He trusted God, even when God was telling him to do something that didn't really make sense. What is trust?

I imagine trust to be something like this ... I'm standing on one end of a large room blindfolded and I cannot see anything. Not even a subtle difference in light or darkness. And all the way across the room is another person, able to see. And they call to me to walk towards them. Trust is being blind but stepping forward anyway, knowing that the other person is in this for my good. Being blind is key, because if I can see, it's not really trust, is it? It is my own ability.

But what creates the trust? I'm not going to start walking towards just any person who calls me. No way. Who is that person across the room?

• Do they know me? Are they really in this for MY good? Are they going to care if I trip on an obstacle? Will they really do everything they can to make sure I make it safely to the other side of the room? Or do they only think of themselves?
  
• Are they competent? Even if they desire my well-being, if they cannot communicate to me how to avoid obstacles and where to step up or down to avoid falling, then I don't want to trust in their directions.
  
• Will they stay until the end? I don't want them to walk out of the room while I'm standing in the middle, not able to go forward or backwards, just because they get tired or frustrated or need a tinkle break. Will they be patient with my mistakes, or will they give up, saying "You can't follow anything I say! Finish on your own!"?
  

I can think of several people who I would follow without question. I would step out blindly towards Aaron's voice. Because I trust him - he knows me, is in it for my good, he is competent, and he will stay until the end. I would follow my parents and parent's-in-law, as well as many friends. I would not step out upon hearing my children's voices ... they do know and love me, but competent? Not quite. At least, not yet. Give them another 18 years and my answer might change.

Will I blindly step out when I hear God's voice? Does He know and love me? Yes. Is He in this for my good? Yes. Is He competent. Oh yes. Will He stay until the end? Yes.

He deserves my trust. So why do I find it harder to trust God in certain things than I do my husband, or my family or friends? Perhaps because I'm forgetting Who He is, and that He deserves and has earned my trust more than anyone else.

So perhaps, when I find myself in a situation, figuratively blindfolded and hearing God's voice calling me to cross the large room, and I hesitate, I will remind myself of why God deserves my trust. And then I will take that first step, blind but safe.

~JG

"I conquered the world again ... oh wait ..."

This morning, I felt like superwoman! We all got up a little early, Aaron made french toast for breakfast, and I had enough time before taking the kids to school to cut up veggies for the roast tonight (I had even remembered to take it out of the freezer early for it to defrost - WOW!). In fact, Caleb helped me make dinner. We had a lovely time together at the kitchen counter. I cut up carrots and onions (hardly cried) and potatoes and browned a large roast and he washed off all the celery and helped me dump stuff into the crock pot ... I turned it on to cook all day ... the kiddos were off to school ... I had MOPS, came home, played games with the kids, even picked up and vacuumed ... and man, I was feeling pretty good! I went back to the crock pot at 4pm to make the gravy - I even remembered to do that ... and it was cool as cool can be. The light was on saying, "Hey, I'm cooking" but it LIED! It had not cooked. At all. What happened? ARGHHHH!!! I had not conquered the world! I had tried. But I was foiled. DRAT! Foiled again! So now, we could eat raw roast and veggies ... or not. It's Chinese takeout for us! At least it's warm.

~JG

"What's that Smell?"

Well, much has happened since our last blog ... go figure. I'll start with sometime last week, Aaron and I were talking and decided that it would be neat if Aaron made a bedroom set for us. So we looked online and found plans we liked (it's scary how we have the exact same taste ...) and Aaron was off and running. On Friday, I left with the kids to spend the weekend at our parents; Dick came over to our house so he, Aaron and Randall could go out to Hearn Hardwoods and buy wood for the first project - a headboard. And they had a blast. Aaron told me all about picking out the right white oak quarter sawn ... and the awesome flecking (I don't even know if I'm spelling any of this right ...) in the wood ... and I said "AWESOME! Glad you had fun, honey!" Aaron and Dick spent the Friday night and Saturday prepping and cutting the wood, and the headboard is all together as I type. Aaron needs to sand it and varnish/etc. That was quick work! He is having a wonderful time woodworking. He hasn't really done that for awhile, and I think it's energizing him. Go Aaron! And I love it 'cuz we get new furniture! Double win!

Anyways, I returned with the kids Saturday night. I walked into the house and immediately said, "What is that smell?" And I started the sniff test all around. Couldn't figure it out. It wasn't the dishes - I'd done those before I left. It wasn't the cats - they were upstairs. I was getting a little nervous that I'd soon become accustomed to the odor and not notice it anymore ... but any guests would. Hey, I'm fine with a slightly messy house, but definitely not a smelly house! Well, we ate dinner, then I went upstairs to put chaos into somewhat of an order ... and voila! I walked into Ellie's room and discovered the odor! A big pile of dog poop right in the doorway! (Did I mention we are "foster dog-sitting" Riley, an 80 lb chocolate lab, for our youth pastors until they move into their new house ... this Saturday!) I was actually relieved. At least I had discovered the smell. So I happily called Aaron to report my discovery and have him clean it up (a stipulation of foster dog sitting was that he had to clean up all you-know-what). I do have to defend poor Riley - that is the first time he ever did anything in the house. He's really a good dog! And I'm actually going to miss him. It'll be pretty quite around here next week. Maybe our cats will dare to venture out of our bedroom. Hmmmm?

Well, it's our day off, and Aaron has been happily woodworking away. I had a great time switching out the kids summer and fall/winter wardrobes. Woohoo! Although, I did have my moments of productivity.

You see, our kids both love their blankies. Caleb's poor blankie survives him chewing on it, wrapping it around his fingers and toes and toys and who knows what else. The little binding around the edge has started to come off, and he just uses that to chew on and lasso trains. Ellie's blankie is 32 years old. Yup - it's my old baby blanket. And the knitting on the edge started to come apart. Well, that's not good- she'll pull on it and the whole thing will come undone. Soo, I resolved to FIX the blankies!

I asked my mother's advice (thank God for mothers!) and we visited Joanne Fabrics together to find new satin blanket trimming. And today, I cut the unraveling edge off of Ellie's blanket and sewed (yes, with my sewing machine!) a new pink satin trim on the new edge. It's definitely not professional. The top thread is white and the bottom is blue (I was so happy to get the machine threaded that I really didn't feel like messing with the bobbin!), but that's ok 'cuz there is blue in the blanket. It's a bit of a hack job, but it's done and it is NOT coming apart! It looks a bit strange - there is the original soft and faded 32 year old white/cream and almost translucent satin edging on 3 sides, and the new pink (Ellie's choice) crisp, hard satin edging on one side. But, it's home-made. :-) I finished it this afternoon, and Ellie's been carrying it around like a little Linus-ghost all afternoon and evening. I think it passes inspection.

This evening I tackled Caleb's little blankie. First, I had to take out all the stitches of the narrow satin edging that was actually still in place. That took forever. Fortunately, it's a very small blanket - less than 1ft sq. Then I got out the new wide satin edging (cream - not pink) and started to sew it on. How in the world do you do those dumb corners?!?! Ok, I know I could've stopped and looked it up somewhere, but I wanted to get it done. So it is done. And it is NOT coming off! HAHAHAH!!!! Y'know, when I turned off the sewing machine after the last stitch, I felt like I had conquered the world! Then I took out the blanket, cut the threads and looked at it ... and I didn't feel like that anymore ... not even a continent. Maybe I conquered a very small city. In the middle of Montana. Well, the blanket is fixed. It will be fine. And after Caleb chews on it for a night or so, it'll look just right. :-)

Ahhh, the things we do for our children. And I have discovered, once again, I will never make my living from sewing.

And yes, Randall, this is yet another blog that mentions poop. :-)

~JG